Sometimes God’s goodness can be felt, tangibly. For me, it doesn’t happen often, and for a season I felt like it wasn’t happening at all. But somehow, leaving has reminded me of how good my God truly is. 

When I came home from college in May, I was in a pretty rough spot. I remember sitting with my boss at one of the high tops at my cafe during a quiet shift because I had asked him to talk. I explained to him how I was feeling so completely unlike myself and so alone. I told him that I had no idea what was next for me, where I would go or what I would do. 

Throughout this summer we had more meetings like that one, where I would explain my anxieties and he would patiently offer ideas, trying to find something that would make me excited. 

It wasn’t until mid-July that I said yes to the World Race after the recommendation of a neighbor. This was something completely unexpected, unlike any other idea I had of what my life this year would look like.

Yesterday at 10am I stood with my boss in his office to say goodbye and I was reminded of that first conversation we had when I got back from school. I told him how excited I was, how it felt like everything had come together and I knew with certainty this is where I was supposed to go. 

As I said goodbye to so many people yesterday and the day before, I realized just how much God had surrounded me this summer. He provided people who listened to me when I didn’t even know what to say. He gave me opportunities to serve in ways that helped me feel like I was part of something bigger. He gave me a neighbor who happened to mention the race at exactly the right time. And, moment by moment, I began to see God revealing a path before me that I never thought would appear.

And I began to heal.

In May, if you had asked me if God was good, I would’ve stared at you for a second and said yes because it was the right thing to say, not because I could feel it.

God is good because He gave me a next step, but He was also good when I was feeling lost, uncertain, and alone. He was always good, even before I had the answers and even when I couldn’t see it. Standing on the other side of this summer, I can see His goodness through the people He put in my path at exactly the right moments and for reasons I may never fully understand.

This morning at 4am I began the drive with my family from New Jersey to Gainesville Georgia for training camp. As I was laying in the backseat, falling in and out of sleep, a verse kept coming to my mind. Joshua 1:9, specifically the ending: 

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” 

A few hours later a friend texted me and told me to “be courageous” and this verse immediately came to mind again. 

In scripture God says this to Joshua at a pivotal moment in his ministry. Moses has just died and now Joshua has to take his place, leading the Israelites into the Promised Land. God is promising Joshua that although it will not be easy, and he doesn’t know what is ahead, He is going with him. 

Joshua could have courage because he could trust God’s presence and goodness more than whatever situation he found himself in, and I can do the same.

God was with me back in May when I was feeling lost, He was with me through every interaction and opportunity this summer, and He is with me now as I leave.

I don’t know exactly where this road will take me, but I know who goes with me, so I can have courage.